Ok...newbie here....first time on any support forum.

I am just not ok tonight. I want to scream, I want to run, I want to cry. I have cried a lot today. I have so much to be thankful for and things I need to be ok for (kids and husband). I am struggling, I lost my job, it fell into my lap and it was great while it lasted but now it is gone and getting a new one is going to be tough. I have awesome experience, my phone voice is great and I am amazing at customer service.

The issue...my background
9 years ago my life imploded and from that I have a criminal history. It is not drugs and it is not violent but it is still a felony and 2 misdemeanors. I was undiagnosed and without even knowing what it was I was manic....and then it got worse....I dont know how people didn't notice, I should have been hospitalized sooner for the break but the damage was already done. I have worked my *** off since then with therapy and physhs taking my meds and doing everything I had to comply with. I didn't do any prison time but I did have to do 30 days in my county jail. 30 days, 1 year of probation and a $3,000 fine was my punishment for the crimes I committed.

Tonight as I cap a day of applying for 50+ jobs and that is over 150 for the last 2 weeks 12 interviews and 75 solid NO's as they reviewed my answer in the felony box and saw the background. I just feel defeated and I am finding it awful hard to see myself in a positive light. I know this is temporary but it is HARD not being the person you want to be because no matter how hard you try there is no changing what's on your background. All I can do is move forward, though I suppose that is the hard part.

Thanks for letting me just write that out, maybe it will help