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Originally Posted by Aviza
They can't help you if your not honest. I'm an open book.
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That's the thing. I don't believe they will act in my best interest if I tell them the truth. I tried telling my therapist (Same clinic) I'm having trouble eating and she thinks I have nothing to worry about because I told her I bought and ate a yogurt in between sessions (I ate other stuff obviously, but she fixated on yogurt and I wanted to see her reaction if I followed her advice and just ate the one cup of yogurt). So there's no problem if you go a week and all you eat is one cup of yogurt in her view, and I don't think that's how eating disorders work. I was honest with my injection nurse (who is part of the team) and she was ready to walk me to the hospital where I had Risperdal poisoning and lithium poisoning a week within each other and that lead to a lot of traumatic experiences.
My very first experience with a therapist I was honest. It led to them saying they can't help, I should be locked up, and I'm not allowed to see anybody there for the rest of my life.
Every time I open up either nothing changes or something bad happens.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindsThatBlow
I think it's rather common to downplay things in fear of judgement, reaction, or consequence. I have a lot of fear of all three sometimes and I have a hard time with it, even being honest with myself about symptoms and issues. In fact, just today I chronicled some of the problematic behavior I have done and realized it's far beyond what I initially realized. I play down my (hypo)manic moments a lot, and say they aren't an issue when I realize now, they are extensive and hard to not see them for what they are.
My point is, I think part of it is natural to feel the way you do -- but maybe you could try baby stepping your way to being a bit more honest. Perhaps you can say "I'm putting in effort to eat well, but I am having a hard time because of [insert reason here]. I feel I am ok (if you do), but I'm trying (if you are-- or just say you're having a hard time justifying the effort)". I think there are nuanced ways to express yourself more honestly and not have such a harsh reaction. Try anticipating questions and writing out a response. If you know they are going to ask about your eating habits, have something prepared.
That's just a suggestion. I know it is hard to open up to people especially when they are in control of your care. I'm sorry you have such a hard time about opening up with them.
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Thank you. This was really helpful.