My mind is a mess

I had a heart spasm last night while NOT awake but NOT asleep for a second. It was painful. I also rested for 2 hours - Maybe cuz of the glass of wine.

I took clonazepam and more zopiclone then went to sleep and got up for work. At work, I was freaking out about the spots on my skin.

I put so much pressure on myself. I'm never relaxed. Right before I went to sleep, I felt 200mg of phenibut, zopiclone and clonazepam after sitting up and reminded myself - Wow, I'm actually relaxed.

I don't like who I'm turning into - I miss the days when I was ****ed up all day every day and had no awareness of what I was doing.

But anyways, I grateful and appreciate the life that I have. I just have a LOT of regret. It kills me. It's unbearable.