I had a talk with my mom. She says I'm a little paranoid - Because I said that everyone's criticizing me all of the time (Even though that it's all I ask for).

What I didn't tell her is that I think she exaggerates the good qualities about me to other people - When in reality, I think that I'm much less than that - Because the feeling of the negative things that people have misunderstood about me is much stronger than what I know is true about me.

My high phenibut mood can distract me from thinking too deeply about my known flaws or problems, making me feel like I don't have any - But when I'm in a low mood, I enjoy figuring out the truth in alignment with objective reality but then everyone around me thinks that I'm not well mentally.

INFP problems I suppose.

People have can be happy for no reason. People can also be unhappy when there's reasons not to.. It's just a whole philosophical meaninglessness which is also meaningful.

So that's mind tricks that I play on myself.. It just depends on what I do with my time - And the multiple things is what I talked with my mom about (Stopping online courses after my sister said that I was doing too many of them and have to focus on one). The people on the video chat said that I needed "One thing to live and die for". I have many... But I need to stop justifying myself to other people and trying to explain myself.

Do I care about truth or do I not? Both. That's the problem. People always fight and try to be right about everything. I don't think many people take others opinions into consideration - They're too sure of themselves.. It's as bad as being too uncertain. Yin and Yang. That's the thing - And I know this.. But time and space continues on and always changes.

I am my reality - and everyone else is their reality. So when I see YouTube, FB or China censoring information (And why "free speech" is in the American constitution) What is really true?

As Alan Watts said, one ball in space has only has a reference point to a second one and then when there is more than two, only two or more do.. So physical reality is democratic.

I'm inpatient. Novelty increases for me when I'm in a good mood.. That's why euphoria inducing drugs and meds allow people to take a break and live normal lives - Because most mental illness comes from how crappy our lives can be in society.. idk