Wow, L. I am not sure how to feel about what happened today when we were scheduling. After you said that stuff, I felt rejected and like you are pushing me away and yes I felt angry and defensive. I've had some time to start thinking about it now and I'm not angry anymore, but I am definitely feeling like I may have overstayed my welcome. I'm glad I didn't tell you where to stick your 'container' like was in my thoughts. I'll come in December and we can talk about all of this more. I still feel like I need to stop. And am now thinking that you see my desire to only come monthly as not wanting to make a decision to be in or out. Yes, that again. "Should I stay or should I go." Not needing you so desperately anymore, wanting to see you less often, yet still so afraid of not having you at all, because you felt like all I had for so long, that I can't just say goodbye. I'm caught in an impossible position. I want to talk about this. But now I've put myself in this stupid position where I can't until next month. Well, I guess the silver lining there is that maybe I will make the decision that needs to be made before then. I'll work on it. You have my sincere promise on that.