My day really did not brighten. I caught myself being short with my son. I took deep breaths and reminded myself that he had done nothing worth getting angry about. It was typical annoyances that I was reacting to stronger than I should. It’s not his fault that I’m hypersensitive to sounds right now.

I took my time to really concentrate and fill out the vaccine form for him because my mind was so scrambled I felt like I would screw it up. Going to the mall wasn’t terrible, it was early yet so not too many people.

I didn’t leave the house after though. I knew I was too anxious to be in a store without RS, sad as that seems. Grocery shopping was 100% out of the question. And I wasn’t aware he was working two separate jobs so he didn’t get home until 5.

I broke down and took Xanax, the anxiety today is just awful. I’m about to take more. I laid around in bed for a couple of hours but that always makes me feel worse about myself so I made myself get up and organized the pantry like I’ve been trying to do for three weeks. At least it’s done and catalogued so now I can look at my list and know what’s in there so I don’t keep buying the same **** over and over. Eventually I have to do the same for the chest freezer because I suspect there is meat down there that I forgot about that can be used before I buy more. And I need to clear space for my thanksgiving turkey breast.

Now I’m back laying in bed and listening to sad music. My day has come full circle.