I'm embarrassed and don't know why I wrote this with my alter. I think it will be easier to write with actual alter names, but I won't feel safe to write then. And we have over 40 alters in our system, so it's hard to keep up and write about every single one of them.

We also don't want our story to be copied by someone else on the forums. So we'd rather keep it very anonymous.

There's a lot of details that are too sickening to even put a trigger tag to it.

Also, I know religion is forbidden to speak about, but there are many spiritual and ritual-like abuses that other alters have experienced. It's unclear if those contexts are allowed to speak about - with the trigger tags hiding them.

I feel horrible. Writing this out makes me hate myself. I feel icky.

I wish my life were different.

My alters are the ones holding the pain this entire time. For me to become even partly aware of it makes it seem more painful than what they experienced directly. I know somehow that they are all parts of me, but my brain seriously still sees it happening to them, and me only feeling the emotions of it - like empathy on steroids.