I'm afraid of menopause, too. I don't know if I'm perimenopausal or not. I can't imagine the full blown thing though.

I know all women go through it, but for some reason I get super scared. If I'm struggling with my emotions now, will my hormones turn me into a monster then? That's just one of the looming questions in my head, aside from wondering if I will grow facial hair or suddenly get a beard. (No offense to anyone who meets this description for whatever reason, but it's just a fear I have.) I worry that I'll be more prone to heart attacks, that there is something funky with certain hormones that some women say to avoid (which I can never remember), and that I'll wind up being arrested for having some menopause-meets-dissociation moments.

Why we were made this way angers me. It's not fair the way it's described in certain spiritual contexts, and it's not fair that we go through so much as it is in life.

I have a really hard time being in a woman's body. I'm miserable. I've had endometriosis, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, some uterine disorder, some other funky things going on, post-birth stuff, stress incontinence, fluctuating hormones, zits, scars from zits, painful cystic acne, painful periods, heavy bleeds, bleeding through and staining my pants at times, ruining sheets, and more. I've had many of these issues, and with the abnormal periods that perimenopause and menopause might bring about, as well as hot flashes and other things going on with our bodies, it makes me feel like my body is attacking itself. It's like it hates being a woman, too.

Of course, I'm tired, triggered, and sleep-deprived right now, so I'm not really responding in a supportive manner. I'm sorry for that. I'm kind of agreeing with the rant-style response to this menopause business. And why does the word "men" have to be in that stupid word?

I like "metapause" better because it is "meta" - as in the ultimate female experience to end the female experience or something. I think it should be renamed to this.