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Originally Posted by bpforever1
I actually live in another country to escape from the madhouse of my family. I am doing well now. I just talked to my mother and she is doing a little better. Unfortunately, she is mentally ill also and can't keep her paranoia and delusions to herself. So, my family is having a hard time dealing with it on top of everything else. I tried my best while I was there to help her with the housework. But, she felt I was trying to replace her and was threatened by my help. So, I can't win with her although I love her. I think my brother is trying to get her into a nursing home. My mother does not want this. I think she has a right to be where she is now. However, I don't think she can live by herself for long since she is too sick. Also, my father is physically weak but not mentally. I hope he hangs in there and does his best. My brother is still loafing around and although he does help my dad, he can't keep up with him. My brother has always taken the easy route in life, and it cost him. He has no friends, no family of his own, and nowhere to go now. I love him although he is lazy. He used to be really nice as a child. But, other people always hurt him, then he turned mean. I feel for him. I don't want him to be homeless. I will let him be. If anything, he tried to be loved by others. But, he realizes that my parents love him the most so he hangs onto them. I understand him to some extent. I am hoping he finds some meaning in his life one day. In the meantime, I will work here and make the most out of my situation. I need to really help myself first before I can help others. And, I am in no position to help anybody since I'm having a heck of a time just taking care of myself. I love my parents dearly and talk to them daily. I know my father and mother will be ok for now. My mother is sick and has always been sick. I wanted her to come live with me but realize she loves my dad and wants to be with him until the end.
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Can your parents afford a visiting nurse or other caregiver at least once a week? Will any insurance cover that? If they want to be together, and your brother is their "caregiver," he could also ask for respite (another caregiver to help out so that your brother can take a break).
If it gets really bad, a nursing home might be the only option for both of your parents, if they are wanting to stay together until the end. I'm sure that there are facilities that accept couples (should they both qualify).
It must be hard for you to be in a different country. I assumed you were in the U.S. I don't blame you wanting to take care of you.
I once considered taking care of my mom, but then I realized that I have enough of my plate with my own disabilities and no one in my family who would help me at all should anything happen to me. So I couldn't be responsible for anyone else. As it is, I had to place my own daughter for adoption because of my dissociation and CPTSD (and not having any other resources to help).
Thankfully, my sister took care of my mom for a while, until she turned abusive. Now my sister's daughter is caring for my mom (which is her grandmother). My sister also moved in with them recently, so I'm assuming that they're all pitching in. But my mom is very active and self-sufficient. At 86, she's doing pretty good. I call her every couple of weeks to check in.
I hope your parents are able to get the help they need. Also, I hope your brother is able to have some sort of epiphany one day and find what he needs in life, too. If he's not abusive to your parents (with money or emotion stuff), then maybe he is struggling with some things of his own. He might be "mean" for a reason - perhaps undiagnosed mental illness or lost dreams or something. It's sad if he doesn't have any friends or anything. Maybe he could find an online group to help him???