So.... Finally my potential new T and I got on the same page, and we came to the mutual decision that I won't be seeing her any more... For a while.

She can't/won't offer what I need right now, which is hard to explain. I need a closer relationship than she can/will offer me. I need to feel safe and cared for and understood, along with other things. I need to feel like it's ok to be me, while I deal with the turmoil that has been created by my Ex T leaving.

We don't think it's the right time to be doing trauma work. Which is what I will need her for in the future I hope. Next year, spring maybe. She has said she will look for a better space for us and she will be happy to have me back when I am ready, but for now I will go back to see Temp T until I feel stronger again.

I just lost the most important person in my life and I need to give myself some time and space to see what life looks like without her in it. I need to be gentle with myself and I don't think digging around in my past is what's best just yet.

But I'm glad we had a session today. It was a good one, in a strange way. I understand why she won't cross that bridge.

If my Ex T had been my parent, she would have hopefully sought me some proffesional help for this trauma. She wouldn't have tried to do it with me. You need different people for different things sometimes. Maybe there was a good reason why we could never get there. But I'm grateful she got me to the point where I do feel like someone else can help me with that. I wouldn't have been able to see that a year ago.

Things do happen for a reason, they say.