I also need braces, which my parents couldn't afford. My mom being Asian was NOT rich, never attended college, and struggled with both her marriages. She, too, was discriminated against by her own Asian family for marrying a "Howly" (i.e., "white man"). She also struggled with domestic violence from my father, as did my sister and I. My Caucasian father was racist and would say racial slurs about Asians and other groups, despite him loving us when he was sober and apologetic at times about his own racism. To experience racism from my own father, and then to see it happen to my mother in violent terms, were ultimate betrayal traumas for me.

Therefore, my identity crisis, my racial trauma background, my historical traumas that compound even childhood experience, and today's vicarious and direct racial trauma threats are very real to me. It's not something I can ignore or just shrug off, as there are serious threats - especially in red states with known extremist forces, some of which have infiltrated the veteran groups out here (I'm a veteran). Thus, I do fear for my life, and I do need to "watch my six."

I am slowly working in therapy on all of this, so that I can eventually find safe ways to function, such as finding supportive friends to help me with rides or what not, doing my recreational rehabilitation walks, dealing with my physical health providers, and seeing my psychotherapist twice a week online. I can't do it all at once, and all of my clinicians tell me to take it slow when making life changes, so that such life changes stick over time. It's not something that I can change overnight. There are also medical and other factors that I have to wait on to see what is the best route for me, given the interaction of multiple issues going on at once.

That said, I do agree that appearances are important. People will discriminate based on looks - and that's just a reality. If you're poor, they can tell by the way you dress (they will recognize off-brands versus name-brands), by your teeth (if your teeth are straight and white, you're good; if you're missing teeth or dealing with crooked, stained teeth, you're not so good), by the way you sit, by the way you hold your posture, by the way you walk (especially with the tuck, tail, and turn), by your weight, by your height, and even by your race. Sadly, anti-discrimination laws coupled with affirmative action laws (if they even exist) do little justice at deterring discrimination. It's systemic. And that is precisely why there are researchers in the social sciences working on ways to find divergent means at solving these issues so that the under-privileged have equal opportunities (i.e., equity, not "equality") to upwardly mobilize - and that could be whether they are hired or accepted into a grad program. Such research is beneficial, and it's one of my many passions. Sadly, I disagree with the ways in which we need to emphasize our looks. For some people, such as burn victims, or even people like me with irreparable facial scarring from childhood and adulthood acne, can do little to afford (especially since we're not rich) cosmetic surgeries to improve our looks. And even then, it's clear that we will have residual flaws that no amount of nip-tucks will resolve. Not every is privileged with being beautiful, and not everyone can lose weight, for that matter.

Some can, and that's great. Some can reverse certain diseases and illnesses, and that's great, too. But others cannot. It doesn't mean that they are failures or lazy or simply at fault for their diseases and outlooks on life. Nor does it also mean that they deserve the lowest positions on earth either.

But therein lies the breaking point where politics begin and psychotherapeutic support ends. And here is why it is challenging for certain minorities to even bring up what is bothering them - because they are almost always met with the nuances of politics (in particular, identity politics), whether either party wishes to discuss this or not. The choices in how we respond to one another, how we defend our own stances, how we support one another, or how we even describe our pains and issues are - at least nowadays - all political.

So I will end this here, since this thread was really in me support you - not the other way around (though I appreciate your help and efforts in doing so and allowing me a voice, nonetheless).

I really just wanted to support you in your endeavors.

And when I shared what I am going through, it was really a "downward comparison" of sorts, meaning that you have more areas of privilege than you realize, and that I think you will go far in life. Not everyone has the same gifts and opportunities as you do.

I'm 47 years old. It's probably too late for me anyways.