@bpforever1 - (((( THANK YOU! ))))

I'm so sorry you dealt with racism and discrimination, and I'm sorry you got ill in med school. Wow - you must be super smart to have made it to med school - passing the MCAT and all that med school entails! That's an accomplishment right there!

But I know loss like that must take a toll. I'm so sorry.

I wish I had more confidence like you. I'm really struggling with my PTSD. When I think I'm brave, I dissociate and then I become terrified again. I don't know how to just snap out of it.

The strange part is, there are times when I'm super confident and brave - but those times are usually very chaotic, desperate times. When that's over, I tend to fall apart and get worried the chaos will begin again. I suppose my nerves have had it with being prepared and ready for any and every attack - which inevitably comes - at least for me, including so-called "friendly fire" (as my alters named it, which is to say "betrayal trauma" from those who were supposed to be on my side but harmed me instead).

I'm fatigued, so I had to take a rest. I just came on now to read your message. Sorry I didn't reply earlier. But I will respond more later on. I want to re-read your latest reply to me again.

You're an inspiration to me. I'm just not sure I have the energy to do a lot of things these days. I want to. I was so confident in the past. I was voted chapter president of an honor society and secretary of two different honor societies. I was confident back then, but then it waned, and my term only lasted one semester (instead of a year) because I was way too fatigued. That at least gave someone else the opportunity to have a leadership role on their record. So I was happy about that. I thought it would probably be better to have a different officer election each semester, which would help many students get the opportunities for leadership. But they don't like changes like that, so I just went with the flow.

Anyway, I'm not the same person anymore. I'm feeling very old at the moment, and I'm trying to find my way back to health. I wished that they wouldn't wait for abnormal labs to warn me about all these things. If, for instance, they warned me when they saw a rise in approaching abnormal, for instance, then I would have been at least forewarned before it got this bad. I hate that prevention is shunned in this country. We only have tertiary prevention these days, meaning after an abnormal case or outbreak, and even that gets shunned. People just want treatments and miracle cures; they don't like prevention, it seems. I have no idea why - at least not yet. I'm sure there is some theories on that. Many economic, who knows.

I hope you have a great day. Thanks so much for talking with me.

PS: Sorry I hijacked your thread.