This is a continuation from the thread I posted before about shame and low confidence.
Coping with shame and low confidence
The more I think on it, though really I don't have to think about it, I think something was really off about the young guy training me. A part of me doubted myself, bc of what my therapist said ("Maybe you misinterpreted"). I think I was alarmed and panicked. I know when I'm not treated well. Something was wrong. I don't want to rehash the whole thing. I just wanted to say that.
I did talk to my therapist about the way I felt. Her response was somewhat strange and did hurt me / cause me more shame (she played it like it was just one idea of many and "
of course its possible that I'm wrong too", the way she said it I struggled with), which I brought up in a following session and we talked out. I've decided to continue seeing her. Its entirely possible that she has more growth work to do as a therapist but for the most part I like her. I believe she took my feedback into account, too. (ETA: there's a lot of good stuff about her I like too).
I'm still looking for work, slowly, in my time. I'm looking into getting vocational support elsewhere besides that place that sucked.
I think...that with things that trigger us...they're things that happen in life. Like, I will face this again. Because, life. At the same time, it was a bit of a fluke too I think. Part of me thinks, also, that I did do the right thing by leaving. At the same time, like someone else said (hvert
) and some ppl in my life have also said, I may need to try on a few jobs before I find the right one. Start strengthening my work muscle.