Please don't marry this man. A healthy and loving relationship doesn't have what you described about him. What you described is abuse and it will only get worse. My gut is reacting for you. I see the flags too. Please don't marry him.


I agree with NoDD that you are in danger whether you stay or leave. I really hope you leave but this is my advice to you on leaving him: come up with a plan to cope before you leave because he will try to harm you when you leave. Whether this is emotionally, psychologically, career-wise, physically, all of the above, we don't know. We do know he is dangerous. Please tell your friends and family what is going on, please seek help in the form of therapy or with an abused woman's shelter / hotline (they may be able to give you legal advice and support too), please don't move to Boston, and I agree with the other poster who said to block him everywhere when you break up, and if he over-steps that boundary, call the police and get a restraining order. This doctor is abusing you in major ways and causing you harm. Doesn't matter that he's a doctor, lawyer, the president, the king of some amazing country. He is dangerous and you are in danger with him. Somewhere in this plan, I'd put a long list of healthy ways to practice self care. Its important to keep yourself safe too.


I also want to address the reasons you gave for staying with him. I'd really like to use a better sentence than the one I'm about to use but I can't think of a better one right now, so forgive me for my bluntness: these are not good reasons for staying with someone who is abusing you. Someone who is malicious enough to get you fired. Someone so controlling he won't let you see your Mom who might die. If he were a good, kind, person (all the time), and didn't abuse you, I might have a different perspective.


The right person for you, will not harm you in any of the ways you stated above. The right person for you will not attempt to make your life a living Hell if you break up with him. This man is not right. I agree with the poster who said he is likely a malignant narcissist. Something is more than off. Something is wrong. I am so sorry you are going through this.