Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyWeb
Thanks for your lovely response. It's okay to ramble. Lol. Whenever I send an email, they seem to go on forever about NOTHING.
I live in Canada, and my pdoc of the last 2 years is closing my file (if it hasn't already been closed). I never saw him except for about 3 times...the initial talk (when I received him after getting out of the hospital), once via Zoom because of some issue I can't remember, and then the "farewell, good luck, our time is now up" talk. All he did was send in prescriptions to the pharmacy every three months.
His assistant is the mental health nurse. She was the one who I talked with on a very irregular basis. She would tell the pdoc whatever she thought was relevant. She wasn't of any help. She basically was just an ear that was half closed-off...not paying a great deal of attention. She never took any notes.
There is no such thing as talk therapy here UNLESS you have the finances to pay for a psychologist yourself at about $200/hour!!!!! That's out of the question. I'm on Income Assistance due to my anxiety disorder. The "supposed" psychosis came on over the years from high levels of anxiety and fear. But how I would LOVE to talk with a professional about all the memories I have, and that still disturb me. I don't feel secure or safe.
And I agree totally with your last remarks about people not understanding that a schedule does not help when you never know from day to day how you are going to be. Your last paragraph hit the nail on the head.
Continue to take good care of yourself. I'm glad that we have met here on MSF!  |
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SandyWeb - Thank you for your reply! I'm glad we met on MSF, too!
In some areas and with certain US-based healthcare insurance companies, some patients aren't covered for mental health, so they have to pay roughly between $50 (sliding scale) per hour to upwards of $300 per hour (if they are seeing a specialist). It's horrible how there's this continued lack of parity between physical health and mental health, though both are equally important for overall well-being, and both are also connected (one will exacerbate the other and vice versa).
I am sorry you don't have a T to confide in. I've always believed that sharing our stories with a trusted T (or even a trusted best friend, family member, or other kind of health professional) who genuinely listens and shows empathy (not just sympathy) is important for our mental health maintenance and healing. It's sad when there are few of those left, unless you are paying a lot of money or have really good healthcare insurance that covers it.
Perhaps you can find "compensatory relationships" that you trust enough to share your stories with. When I lacked good therapists, I tried to find compensatory therapeutic relationships through church pastors, spiritual friends, close-enough friends, and family. The problem is, I've not had good experiences being too open with most non-professionals because they'd either use what I said against me or they'd turn toxic or they'd judge me based on what I shared. I just didn't get the kind of feedback and guidance that I was looking for. For a long while, I didn't even know what I was looking for, so I had no clue as to what to ask for or what boundaries I needed because I didn't know what I needed to begin with.
But my healing journey began with trial and error. I've now learned enough in college and real life to know what I want and need. I don't always get what I want or need, but sometimes I do. It's those "sometimes" that mean the most to me.
I lucked out with a good therapist, so I'm very fortunate and privileged that way. There just aren't enough therapists to help all the hurting people in the world - regardless if they have a mental disorder or not.
I think our anxiety increases when we don't have enough solid relationships in our lives, and especially when we don't have a consistent therapist in our lives as well. Of course, there are other reasons why we get anxious, but for me, I think, my loneliness and my past negative experiences with not-so-good therapists took a toll on me. Thankfully, I have a great therapist now, but there are times when I'd get triggered and then have to deal with a rupture. My current T always reassures me. I wish everyone could have as good of a T as I have. It's not fair that there are so many hurting people without good therapists.
I hope you are finding some support here.
And I hope you have a great weekend!