Dear K,

A facebook memory popped up on my phone yesterday, and hit me right in the face. I know we have achieved a lot, but WOW! 7 years ago (not that long really when you consider everything!) I was living halfway across the country in a place that had NEVER felt like home. I was married to man who didn't treat me right and I was in a job that I hated and had a bully for a boss. I even remember almost wishing I would crash my car on the way to work so that I wouldn't have to go. My Mum was still alive but I rarely spoke to my family. I made a few cards here and there but I never gave them to anyone because why would anyone want anything I had made. And I didn't have a single person I could truly call a friend.

Wow. Fast forward to today. I love where I live. My boyfriend is the most kind, gentle thoughtful man I could ever wish to meet and he treats me like a princess every single day. I love my job and the work life balance that I have. My boss is great and very understanding. I live round the corner basically from my family and we get together for dinner and games evenings fairly often. I now run my own papercrafting business and not only do I make cards AND give them away, I also teach other people how to do this too. And I am blessed to have some really good friends... everything from acquaintances to some that I would call on in a crisis, no matter the time of day. I love spending time with them in small doses, but I also know myself well enough and am good enough to myself to acknowledge that I need solitary time, and I allow myself to have it.

Life it a world away from where it was back then. And we did that... together. It took my Mum dying for my life to fall apart enough for me to reach out for some help. Something I had never ever ever done before and something I never ever ever thought I would do. And after some significant searching - there you were. My guardian angel, I guess. I wish my Mum was here to see the person I had become. I wish it hadn't taken her death for this change to happen, but sometimes that's just the way it is, and I guess maybe it was her biggest gift to me.

It led to me finding you, my surrogate mother. The person who cheered me on, who held me up, who stood solid as a rock, who encouraged me to walk, who helped me learn, who was always there, who loved me and showed me how to love myself, who showed me compassion and kindness and who challenged me really grow and develop as a human being. And maybe your biggest gift to me is yet to come. Maybe, just maybe, you leaving will open the door for me to really work on the trauma of my past. I feel like I have made significant headway in this area, but I will need some support going forwards I think, and maybe that person was never meant to be you.

I am so grateful is doesn't appear as if you have disappeared completely though, as I honestly don't think I could have taken that AND kept all of the above. I wasn't ready. Inside. I am grateful for any form of connection to remain with you and I will continue to try and make you proud of me. I am proud of myself though, too, just look where we have come!