Iīm 40+ and I have nothing in life that makes it meaningful. I have no job, no IRL friends and I have never been in a relationship. I have searched for help and psychotherapy for several years and Iīve seen several counselors and also therapists over shorter periods of time. But as I canīt pay for therapy out of my own pocket the treatments havenīt been successful, seeing those counselors and therapists has been supportive in that moment but not making any changes in the long run.
I live on welfare and because of my anxiety and depression I canīt work and as there is no proper treatment Iīm stuck at where I am.
As Iīm very lonely and have been since I was little this isnīt a situation where the solution is just "go out and meet people" or "join a club".
I donīt have any relatives close by either and we donīt have any closer connection between us so theyīre not that much of a support to me.
I donīt look for friends as I always end up disappointed and let down. Also, in my situation I donīt want to meet with new people and when they ask me what I do, just answer "I live on welfare, I have depression and anxiety". I canīt pretend my life is like everybody elseīs either. A man in his 40s wouldnīt see me as a potential partner if I donīt work and there isnīt much chance Iīll get a job in the future either.
I see no way out of this, I just see that my life is ruined and it started early, already in school when I often spent time alone, not playing with other kids and so on.