Hello loren... and welcome to MSF. I'm sorry you have received few replies to your post. I'm not here much anymore. But I do check back periodically to see if there's anything new on which I think I might have something to offer. By the way, I'm one of those older guys you mentioned... (except I'm not hairy.)

I haven't had exactly the experience you're having. But I have had similar experience. My situation, just for reference, is that I have waged a life-long struggle with my gender identity. It's actually embarrassing to admit that, at my advanced age, I'm still struggling with this. But I am. (If you're trans, you're trans for life. It never goes away.)

Anyway, long-story-short, I'm also quite isolated. (I'll spare you the details.) And self-esteem is something I have a big problem with as well. (I think low self-esteem and being transgender sort-of go hand-in-hand in many if not most cases.) So I do what you do... search the internet for some kind of connection, in my case looking for camaraderie with other older men who have waged life-long struggles with their gender identity but have not done anything in the way of transitioning. And there are several transgender forum websites I visit (as a "guest") compulsively looking for posts that suggest there might be someone there who appears to have had a similar life experience to mine. (I have yet to find them.) I've actually belonged to a couple of these websites in the past. But I closed my accounts because I just didn't feel as though I fit in. Yet I still keep going back to look. And I would likely rejoin at least one forum if the right person appeared to have shown up.

My obsession with this comes-&-goes as well. Sometimes I can barely stand not to join every transgender forum website I can find. At other times I don't really think about it quite as much... although truth-be-told it's always lurking there somewhere in my brain. I think a lot of it has to do with whether-or-not I have other things going on in my life and whether-or-not there is anything happening that is tweaking my anxiety level. (Anxiety is also something I struggle with.) So the higher my level of anxiety is the more obsessed I tend to become with searching the internet for that camaraderie I spoke of above. I have wondered, sometimes, if the exposure I've had, on the internet, to the whole idea of being transgender has caused me to become more obsessed with the idea than I would have been had I not had access to the internet to begin with. There's a sense in which I think the internet tends to fan the flames of any doubts or concerns a person might tend to have on any given topic.

I don't know as I have any particularly creative solutions to offer you. And, reading your post, it doesn't sound as though you were seeking any. I guess my suggestions would perhaps be limited to... find some thing(s) to do that will get your mind off of your sexuality-related concerns and spend less time on the internet... especially time spent on activities related to your sexuality-related concerns. (I know that's a lot easier said than done!) I don't know if you see a therapist. But that might be one thing to consider. And also try to see if you can't find some ways of getting out more. Being isolated tends to encourage the sorts of concerns you have (and the sorts of concerns I have) to fester. We just keep ruminating with regard to our concerns. And the more we ruminate the bigger and more overwhelming our concerns seem to become. (At least that seems to be the way it has been for me.)

My best wishes to you...