I feel the same way. I've tried living through that feeling for almost 30 years. There's no way to correct it. I've prayed, I've taken risks. My mental health has ruined my life. I don't think it'll ever be what I dreamed. life is just one big disappointment.

Today my daughter said my thanksgiving wouldn't be spoiled if I stayed married to her dad. She'd be able to see me. Anyway I ruined my life and there's no going back. just have to live with the consequences.