He was never gone for weeks yes I am sure that one night he did cheat. But I am also sure he has not had sex with anyone else since that night five years ago. He voluntarily tells me where he is at all times since then. And because of the loss of trust I don't just always take his word for it if anything seems off I verify it. And I have no fear of being single, I am not the same woman I was when I had abusive relationships in the past. And I don't take my vows lightly. Which is why I am having so much trouble with all of this. In every other aspect of our marriage he is good. He is kind caring supportive and thoughtful. He shares all responsibilities equally makes decisions with concern for me first and foremost is always the first to apologize when we argue or disagree he spoils me rotten almost to a fault. And he does all this consistently. The only complaint I have is how he talks inappropriately to other women sometimes. It is not daily or even weekly but it seems to happen at least once a year. So in my head no when I decided to forgive him for that one night moving forward I cannot seem to make myself believe there is reason enough to leave him. But at the same time I am tired of living with the fear that next time inappropriate words will lead to actions and then I will have to leave him and that will hurt my self esteem as I have failed again.