Quote:
Originally Posted by Thumbelina50
He was never gone for weeks yes I am sure that one night he did cheat. But I am also sure he has not had sex with anyone else since that night five years ago. He voluntarily tells me where he is at all times since then. And because of the loss of trust I don't just always take his word for it if anything seems off I verify it. And I have no fear of being single, I am not the same woman I was when I had abusive relationships in the past. And I don't take my vows lightly. Which is why I am having so much trouble with all of this. In every other aspect of our marriage he is good. He is kind caring supportive and thoughtful. He shares all responsibilities equally makes decisions with concern for me first and foremost is always the first to apologize when we argue or disagree he spoils me rotten almost to a fault. And he does all this consistently. The only complaint I have is how he talks inappropriately to other women sometimes. It is not daily or even weekly but it seems to happen at least once a year. So in my head no when I decided to forgive him for that one night moving forward I cannot seem to make myself believe there is reason enough to leave him. But at the same time I am tired of living with the fear that next time inappropriate words will lead to actions and then I will have to leave him and that will hurt my self esteem as I have failed again.
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YOU will not have failed in this marriage - HE has failed YOU. Please remember this and don't believe that it's a failure of your own doing.
This man of yours has a wandering eye and lust for other women. Is that what you want to deal with for the rest of your life??? Always wondering if he's lying or cheating, or telling the truth or flirting outrageously with other women?
It's his CHARACTER darling, and character doesn't change. You cannot change this man's inner way of being.
He has shown you again and again that he is not willing to commit to you 100%. His eyes will always be on other women. He's not going to do a 180 degree turnaround just because you want to keep the marriage in tact.
And just because he doesn't abuse you, his lack of fidelity doesn't make him any better than a past abuser in your life. It's still disrespect.
Is that what you want? To always be wondering, questioning, playing detective, and guessing?? Because that will be your life with this man. And trust me, after more incidents of infidelity, which is guaranteed to occur, your self esteem will plummet further, along with your mental health. NOT GOOD.