Don't mind at all Tgr. I'm bipolar with psychotic features, ptsd, and seem to do long cycles and rapid cycles.

Dx was five years ago after a spectacular breakdown. (why do anything halfassed right?)

I was on a variety of meds for a little more than three years but it just wasn't working for me. See, I haven't been able to work since the breakdown, and the meds came nowhere close to making a kind of difference that would mean a significant enough change to enable me to go back to "life" as I knew it. Factor in the bizarre side effects, and the accumulation of secondary meds solely to affect the side effects, and I found the cure to be as scary as my "illness." I could no longer feel from my heart, and sex became irrelevent to me.

My course of action isn't for everyone, and I refrain from recommending it. But I determined to explore all the things I could do with out meds to mitigate the worst aspects of it. At the same time, I wanted to chart it, to understand its triggers and its patterns, to become "aware" of it and to identify myself seperately from it. I figure I have that right. I still can't work, or even engage in a very active social life, but I can feel, I can think, I love sex again, and I know myself in a way I never could have had none of this ever emerged.

The meds helped me in the beginning to "get a grip" as it were. The one I still turn to in an hour of need is zyprexa. When the depression swing is too intense, I get some really loud disturbing voices that never ever shut up. Zyprexa stops 'em dead and within an hour. I take it for as many days as the voices resume, and then stop.

Interestingly too, the only time I ever felt suicidal, I was on all the meds.

I can't really fit my "story" into this space without crashing the whole site, lol. But I'm happy to talk with you in as much depth as you would like about it. I've found some things that help, but none of it's like a magic bullet.

I sure like following your posts. You're all bright and shiny inside and I always notice that in people.