I can relate. In my case it’s getting a
little bit better, as I’m in recovery from CPTSD, but I have always struggled with forming and maintaining relationships, mostly because I feel like I’m bugging the other person when I initiate conversations. It is difficult, for anyone who deep down wants connection but finds it overwhelming or confusing for any reason.
I think at some point, at least to an extent, you need to decide what you want, and what actually works for you and disregard other people’s expectations if you can’t meet them. I think society finds people who don’t have friends ‘weird’ but being ‘seen as’ normal (which there’s no definition for, anyway!) and actually being ‘normal’ I find are two different things. A person who doesn’t have friends can still be kind, generous etc, and a person with lots of friends can be a monster hiding in plain sight. It’s really not as black and white as some people might want you to believe