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Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer
Your so fortunate to have a good T! So many people post how they would love to find one. I know you've gone through a lot but it must feel nice to have someone who really cares about you and the others. My 1st T was amazing but one day I went to a bridge, and after being so scared after looking down I called her. She put me in a psych ward and called me there the next day to say she' so sorry but has to terminate me forever. Ever since then it's been downhill with Ts. My next T was horrible. Third T cared a lot but wasn't nearly as good as 1st T. She had me see a T who specializes in DID. My system really liked DID therapist. Several of them actually looked forward to therapy and fronted for him. But he started pressuring me to get SSDI/SSI or whatever it's called, telling me I have DID and can't care for myself. He was starting to be aggressive about it so I didn't what I'm best at, ran away. I also left my other T but sometimes want to go back.
Co-conscious has it's benefits. It helps deal with so much, but it's also frustrating because it's hard to know who I am. People have called me chameleon. Most of our system consists of littles but there are some adults who are insanely different and intense. Some only think about science. Some are very spiritual, etc. It's not easy changing into different people especially of such extreme personalities. I hope it's better for you! ...Sorry to ramble! I'll stop now.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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You're not rambling. I "ramble," too. LOL. But seriously, Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!
I am very fortunate to have a good T. I might have had other good T's too, but I wound up running away and ghosting them. I told my current T about my habit of ghosting, which I probably would have done during this pandemic, but then my being isolated has helped me stick with one T. We made a pact that I wouldn't ghost her, and that I would talk things through. It really helped, but it is scary at first.
A good T will understand you and not be afraid to handle the suicidal ideation and attempts. I have a T who used to treat veterans, as I'm also a veteran, and she moved on to private practice after that. She also treats refugees and other immigrants. She's really open and understanding, so she's seen and heard it all. She doesn't fear what other T's fear in terms of lawsuits, malpractice assumptions for suicide cases, "treatment-resistant" clients, etc. She works with many people where they are at. It helps that she was also a military psychologist back in the day, and that she was also an officer in the Army and had consulted for the FBI at some point. She has a really good career record, so she rarely terminates unless she's being threatened or stalked by a client. She's only had to terminated one client, I think she said. I was afraid of termination, too, since I've had many T's in the past terminate on me because of different reasons. Sometimes it's not you; it's truly ethics and their lack of competence in treating our disorders. Sometimes they consider "dissociative identity disorder" cases as something they can "convince" otherwise, as opposed to believing in the validity of the disorder and treating it.
There are too many inept, incompetent therapists who don't know how to treat complex trauma, treatment-resistant depression, comorbid disorders, and suicidality (not a diagnosis alone, but very much a symptom with the list I mentioned). There are even more who don't treat DID or any dissociative disorder, for that matter, which is a very extreme and complex form of trauma. Such therapists should pre-screen so that they don't waste our time and copayment dollars or even our tax dollars if we're on any programs. They should not get our hopes up and then demand that we don't feel a symptom in order for them to treat us because that's not how mental illness works. We need help to get to that point, so if they only want "easy clients," they should NOT be in the business for treating trauma, severe depression, or dissociative disorders at all. They'd be best with just clients dealing with grief-and-loss alone, adjustment disorders alone, non-clinical depression (largely due to adjustment or loss alone), relationship problems alone - but definitely no comorbidities. We consumers have to do our best with screening mental health professionals, too. Many will claim they can treat trauma and dissociation, but they can't. Their abandonment and failure to see treatment through the bitter end, and their lack of acknowledging the need for long-term treatments for complex trauma and dissociation, is enough to show their incompetence.
So don't feel bad. You are struggling in similar ways that many of us do. It took me years and mere chance for me to find the T I have now. She's the best. I wish I could share her with all of you. But she will be retiring in a few years, so I will eventually be in the same boat as all of you are when that time comes. It will suck, but hopefully I will be more healed to handle that transition. I will most likely freak out and cry and panic though. I just hope she stays healthy and safe for a few years, and I'm hoping to be able to see her in person one day. I've not seen her since March 2020. I could see her anytime, but I'm too afraid of either of us getting Covid-19. I can't have that guilt on my shoulders. So, I do the isolation and video thing as a form of self-protection, other-protection, and civic duty.
Anyway, I'm struggling today with my blurred vision. It could be my 15% humidity (very low) causing dry eye, or it could be my thyroid, or it could be my prediabetes, or it could be a combo of them all, or it could be something else that has went undiagnosed. I am struggling a lot with that. It could also be that another alter is out with me, but sometimes I'm too dissociated to realize until the alter lets me know that they are out with me.
I'm weird.
Anyway, I hope you are doing okay today!