Thanksgiving with just my boys again, thank god. My grandmother recounted thanksgiving at my uncles’s house yesterday and I’m very glad I wasn’t there.

I made dinner and completely stressed myself out over nothing. I am far too harsh on myself. I added too much cream to the mashed potatoes. AND because we got a fancy new stove a month ago I actually turned off the oven while setting the timer for the turkey!!! We still ate though, albeit a bit later than I planned. I was mean to my family though because I was stressed and apologized profusely. I feel like my cooking needs to be perfect every time I make even a simple dinner during the week. I know why, it’s just one more thing I have to overcome. I suppose the harsh judgment and self-criticism is a problem that really extends to most areas of my life.

We went to my grandma’s to help her move some stuff today and I just keep looking around and seeing how much junk we’re going to have to clean out when she passes away. It’s going to take weeks if my hoarder uncle and mom interfere. There’s iodine and a cough medicine that doesn’t even exist anymore in her medicine cabinet. She asked me if her collection of 15 years worth of National Geographic magazines was worth anything (hint: it isn’t, I checked). She tried to pawn a completely rusted dog chain and old collar for their dog tang, who was gone before I was born, off on me to give to my brother and SIL. Really? She was also extremely disappointed that I threw out that litter box she gave me last time.

The house is so big, there’s a full basement with nothing of value except a brand new washer/dryer, the bookshelves are full of old magazines and cookbooks/diet books from as far back as the 80s. There are three walk in closets and an attic, all full to the brim with mostly junk. A “windows 95 for dummies” book!!! Rusty screws and nails. Just an unbelievable amount of stuff. Not even fit to be donated or sold, mostly. It’s going to be a nightmare.

I did get my viola from when I was in the school orchestra back though. It’s really of no use to me now but I could definitely sell it, it’s in perfect condition with a spotless case. There’s even a digital tuner, a mute, and a resin block. The only thing it needs is a new bow, the other one’s horsehair disintegrated. When I saw it it evoked such a bad general feeling of that time (I was super ill all through high school and freshman year of college when I used it) that I really would rather be rid of it.

Well at least I’ve still got two days off. I’m almost done with Christmas shopping too, decided to get it over with as soon as possible to avoid supply chain and shipping delays.