So sorry you are struggling with all that trauma!

1. Recovery for any addiction includes relapse. Don't beat yourself up about it, but don't use that as an excuse to remain stuck either. It's not about how many days of sobriety you have, but rather your being able to be sober sometimes for just this minute, or just this hour. Keep going forward, even if you take two steps back. Use positive affirmations to acknowledge your strengths and ability to cope at least at this moment in time.

2. When you're dealing with being a victim of narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, or other forms of psychological abuse, it's easy to blame ourselves. But it's not your fault for someone else's issues, decisions, emotions, or reactions. When it's someone close, like a parent or family member or significant other, the trauma is more complex and constitutes betrayal trauma. It takes a lot of strength to process these things, reach out like you did on these boards for help or at least venting, reach out to a therapist for help, reach out to friends in real life for help, and/or continue to set boundaries and try to use coping skills, even if they aren't working at the time. Eventually, they will. It takes time and practice to use coping skills, and to learn new ones so that you get familiar with which ones work for certain situations. Don't beat yourself up or put too much pressure on yourself. Learning to cope is a process that takes time. Setting boundaries and distancing yourself from toxic people also take time.

3. When nothing seems to work, focus on relaxing, resting, self-care, distracting, etc., even if the feelings and thoughts won't go away. Your continued efforts will eventually pay off. It sometimes takes time for coping skills to work.

4. Reactive versus proactive: Don't beat yourself up about your reactions, but rather, be proactive when acknowledging them. Find healthy ways to be proactive such as setting boundaries with your mother, doing self-care, finding alternative means to dealing with your mother if what you're doing isn't helping, ask questions to your therapist about what other coping skills can be utilized when nothing seems to work, etc. Ask yourself what you can do to help yourself or ask for help.

Hang in there. You're not alone in the struggle.

I'm so sorry you struggle with all that trauma. ((( safe hugs )))