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Originally Posted by Associate
Apparently ungrateful people can be found anywhere in the world. I see so many similarities in what you have described and really understand you.
I was doing the same mistakes, spending plenty of money on her, such as giving her some financial aid while she was on maternity leave and not making any money, spending my last money to a trip to Italy. What I have learned is that if a person dos not appreciate small things you do, she will appreciate nothing.
I do not know how long a divorce process lasts in the USA, but here the divorce itself lasts 3-4 months from the moment you file a claim with court and the other party does not agree for a divorce. So, a relatively short period of time.
However, alimony claims can be filed as many times as ex-wife wants until a child reaches the age of 18, but he good thing is it is limited to 25% of your net salary.
But if you can do whatever you want, i.e. buy what your kids need and not give her cash that is really great. I am working on it now.
But your youngest kid is 13, so I assume you will only be obliged under the law to provide child support (cash to ex-wife) for 5 years only. Afterwards, she will get no cash and you can buy whatever you kids need, for instance pay their tuition fees.
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Yeah, it looks that way… I tried to do everything I could for her out of a sense of “duty” or being a “husband”. Fix the cars, fix the house, repair anything that is needed, take the kids to practice, anything. If she put gas in her car once every 3 or 6mo, that was a lot. All she had to do is turn the key on her car, go to work, make money and return home. Maybe that is my fault. Too much. Maybe that answers why it became an expectation.
Agreed, if they cant appreciate the small things, don’t expect more due to the large things.
In the US, divorce can be resolved in 3-4 months at the quickest. But if the divorce filing (e.g. assets, debts, whatever) becomes contested, it can be dragged out longer. Then if you get attorneys involved, it can get longer.
Alimony is tough to get (from what I understand) if both spouses have jobs and work. If there is a situation where one spouse is a ‘stay at home’, then I imagine alimony comes into play.
Yes, in theory, whoever makes more money will have to pay the other for child support. Since my daughter is 13, that is roughly 4.5 years from now. And the child support payments stop. In our case, I will owe her money on a monthly basis. But since I am picking up the health insurance for the kids, what I owe her is probably US$20-30/month. She is hoping to get some big promotion or salary increase in the future, so we will need to adjust that payment where she cuts me a check. Depending on her raise, that could force her to pay me US$200-400/mo.
What saddens me is all this time we shared together building up our estate. How does she not have any interest in wanting to fix this? Maddening/illogical to me… we have spent our childhoods and entire adult lives together, and to just walk way.
I have made concessions on just about everything in the attempt of trying to find overlap between what she wants and want I want. And then work together on the differences to compromise. No such luck as of yet.
We had millions of good memories and times and experiences. We grew up together from kids to adults. Millions of fun times and good memories… And to just let that all go… Beyond my comprehension.
If I am being honest with myself, I dont want this experience changing who I am or how I treat people. I dont want anger, resentment, bitterness or any other negative emotion setting in and changing who I am.
I have to believe this is her decision and hers alone. Unfortunately, I am along for the ride.