Hi, I hope you are having more good days than bad days. I'm going through a separation that was a mutual agreement after over a decade. I know that I definitely feel free and that I made the best choice for me and my little ones because he was becoming financially abusive. For the first little while I had good days being firm about my decision as I wasnt in love with him and hadnt been for a few years, plus he snuck around before hand leading up to the conversation that he initiated. But then the reality of change hit and it knocked the wind out of me. Sometimes a single thought can being me extremely down. I've tried to avoid thinking about my separation for months and the fact that I lost my best friend of 15 years. I even got into a ****** relationship with a guy to avoid it all( I do not suggest!) My advice and I know it might be hard is to try and accept or come to terms in anyway you can that the person you once knew is just not there anymore. And also, there is someone who will love you better than that, treat you better, be proud that you're theirs and not hurt you so deeply. It helps if I try and tell myself that, so maybe it will help you too.
My mother told me that you never really ever know anybody and it might sound depressing (and I'm sorry for that) but it comforted me because it made me feel less alone. Like everybody has been shocked the hell out of by somebody. I hope that helps you too. Anyhow, know you are not alone and just try to keep moving forward.

Tessa