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Associate · Nov 28, 2021 at 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DevastatedinAZ

Yeah, it looks that way… I tried to do everything I could for her out of a sense of “duty” or being a “husband”. Fix the cars, fix the house, repair anything that is needed, take the kids to practice, anything. If she put gas in her car once every 3 or 6mo, that was a lot. All she had to do is turn the key on her car, go to work, make money and return home. Maybe that is my fault. Too much. Maybe that answers why it became an expectation.

Agreed, if they cant appreciate the small things, don’t expect more due to the large things.

In the US, divorce can be resolved in 3-4 months at the quickest. But if the divorce filing (e.g. assets, debts, whatever) becomes contested, it can be dragged out longer. Then if you get attorneys involved, it can get longer.

Alimony is tough to get (from what I understand) if both spouses have jobs and work. If there is a situation where one spouse is a ‘stay at home’, then I imagine alimony comes into play.

Yes, in theory, whoever makes more money will have to pay the other for child support. Since my daughter is 13, that is roughly 4.5 years from now. And the child support payments stop. In our case, I will owe her money on a monthly basis. But since I am picking up the health insurance for the kids, what I owe her is probably US$20-30/month. She is hoping to get some big promotion or salary increase in the future, so we will need to adjust that payment where she cuts me a check. Depending on her raise, that could force her to pay me US$200-400/mo.

What saddens me is all this time we shared together building up our estate. How does she not have any interest in wanting to fix this? Maddening/illogical to me… we have spent our childhoods and entire adult lives together, and to just walk way.

I have made concessions on just about everything in the attempt of trying to find overlap between what she wants and want I want. And then work together on the differences to compromise. No such luck as of yet.

We had millions of good memories and times and experiences. We grew up together from kids to adults. Millions of fun times and good memories… And to just let that all go… Beyond my comprehension.

If I am being honest with myself, I dont want this experience changing who I am or how I treat people. I dont want anger, resentment, bitterness or any other negative emotion setting in and changing who I am.

I have to believe this is her decision and hers alone. Unfortunately, I am along for the ride.

Reading this makes me really sad to be honest. Some people are just materialistic and there is nothing we can do about it. They don't value good actions, they don't value memories, they only value money. For them leaving with a bad person in a luxury mansion is better than living with a decent one in a small apartment.

Again, your situation is so much similar to mine. I also did a lot for my ex-wife because in my opinion that is what a normal husband is supposed to do. But she just took it for granted and recently told me that I did not do anything special to her during our marriage.

I would say that you don't need to change, especially treat people differently. Neither would I. But what I told to myself is that I will rather stay alone till I die or marry again if I find a lady who would appreciate my actions.

As for alimony it is really good what you said. I mean if you pay for kids, then you don't have to pay much alimony. Here it is completely different since our laws are based on old USSR laws and no matter how much you support your kids and no matter how much money a woman makes, the husband still has to pay 25% of his salary if there is 1 child, 33% if there are 2 children and 50% if there are 3 or more children.