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divine1966 · Nov 28, 2021 at 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonightowl

I had a similar experience, albeit it took months before I realized this man had a romantic interest, apparently.

He was somebody I used to talk to a lot at my local senior center. Just general conversation, like you'd have with the receptionist at the doctor's office. Nothing personal; he never asked me anything personal and vice versa.

To me he was an intelligent, nice man to talk to. That's it. One human being to another, that's it. We also emailed and sent a few texts, mostly superficial until he wrote about his prostate problems.

(Thankfully it wasn't face to face)

So for about 8 months we just talked. Then one day, via email, he kept asking me to take ballroom dancing lessons with him or to go to a dance. I said no thank you but wished him luck. He still asked a couple more times. He also asked me, via email, to go to this festival with him. Again I said no thank you and it's too hot anyway.

Sure he was nice to talk to, but I didn't want him putting his hands on me. Ballroom dancing requires just that, as well as getting close to him. No way. Touch me and I'll break his fingers, LOL.

Then he just stopped talking to me completely. "Cold turkey". Emails stopped and he didn't even acknowledge me when I ran into him. No hello, no good morning, nothing even like "I guess we're not on the same page". He'd look right at me yet not reply if I said hello.

Given his fragile ego, it seems I dodged a bullet there. It seems he's pissed I'm not interested in him, but I don't think I ever gave out those signals. He just interpreted it that way. I don't know why he beat around the bush for so long, if he was interested in romance all along. It would have saved both of us all that time, be it talking or emailing. I could have been talking to someone else.

If he felt that sooner, I wish he had said something sooner rather than letting me think I had a new friend or acquaintance.

I see this is supposedly in their DNA or it's a biological reason as to why they think being friendly means being interested. Another thing that threw me was that he never asked me anything personal, so why would I think he was interested? He didn't ask what I like to do, what kind of food I like, etc. The kind of things men usually ask before asking you out.

In hindsight this seemed so juvenille.

It's like high school all over again, but we're adults. Yet his behavior reminded me of guys in high school, storming off in a huff cause you don't want to go out with them. That happened to me too.

I was just looking to talk to another human being who was usually there when I was. Sadly he had other ideas, and when that didn't pan out, he dropped me like a hot potato. I can't think of any reason why he'd stop talking to me suddenly other than for that reason.

Interesting….

He likely felt uncomfortable after you declined his advances and it felt awkward and unnatural to keep casual chit chat if he developed some more intimate interest. If I asked a man out and he declined, I’d feel awkward to continue casual chats. Likely nothing to do with dropping you like a hot potato. If he never even asked you anything, it likely isn’t any deep kind of friendship that he had to continue

It’s possible that he didn’t have romantic interest at first but then wanted to try. It happens. You aren’t obligated to indulge him but he also isn’t obligated to go on with chit chats. It might not even be romantic. Some people love dancing and have no one to do it with.

On the other hand if you wanted to keep talking to him, why not approach him and ask to continue your friendship or directly ask him why is he not talking to you. He might not be a mind reader and might not know you want to continue talking to him even though you have no interest to ever gong anywhere with him. How was he supposed to know?