It’s a gosh darned miracle I made it through work today. If my supervisor hadn’t changed to the drill Sargent I would have dipped out after lunch. I was so close to completely losing it. It was just so loud, they were watching funny animal videos and the commentary from the staff and students plus the shrill laughter was just too much. I only stayed in the room because my student is in a really bad way right now and I didn’t want to leave her. When I was on my break she hallucinated and freaked out, I really want to be there for her so I can take her somewhere quiet and talk her down.

It’s really terrible for her right now, she’s having vivid hallucinations that she’s being followed by a demon masquerading as a young boy, she though he knocked her lunch out of her hand and she’s terrified. I know this is unorthodox but I’m kind of tempted to bring in a jar of salt and have her help me sprinkle a little at the classroom doorway and windows. That’s believed to ward spirits away. If they’d let me burn sage id do that too but that would definitely be pushing my luck, and continued employment. I believe she’ll still see “William” but maybe I can convince her that she’ll be protected?

I myself am struggling with intense intrusive SH thoughts still and terrible panic. I see my pdoc tomorrow and I’m leaving work early to see my therapist on Thursday. I usually see her Tuesdays but I’ll be at my pdoc’s instead.

I’m only dragging myself to work because it will be worse to stay home with just my thoughts for company.