I'm getting so sick and tired of these endless cycles that make me do way too much SI. They happen at least once a week. Therapy didn't help. Meds made more numb but really didn't help. My hope is that something bad enough will help push me over the edge, a cliff.

Feel like lately a lot of parts are co-fronting especially Little Paul / Paulie and a HAL. HAL says he's the holder of all the early childhood memories. He's a robot from Arthur C. Clarke's Space Odyssey movie, HAL 9000. Two years ago HAL gave me an early childhood memory because I begged him to. He gave me the memory, visually, which my psychiatrist said caused me a 20 minute long NES, non-epileptic seizure. It's okay, it would be helpful to know all memories.


Paul/Paulie/HAL