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SprinkL3
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Member Since: Oct 2021
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Confused Nov 30, 2021 at 12:19 PM
 
I don't know if I've officially been diagnosed with OCD, but my T said for me to not pay attention to the labels, just to work a little bit at a time - small steps - at desensitizing. I can't do it. I'm terrified.

And now my hands are cracked, etc., from overly washing them.

There's inspections for the sprinklers tomorrow throughout our entire apartment complex, and I'm freaking out because last time they did this - before the pandemic - there were like three or four people in my apartment for almost 30 minutes. All the closets and rooms have to be inspected.

I don't know if they will wear masks or wear them properly. I requested from the landlord for them to wear masks, but they might forget. None of my neighbors wear masks.

So, I packed up my entire apartment in boxes. Literally. I paid over $200 for stupid boxes and bins. That's how bad my fear of contamination has gotten. My apartment now looks like a storage room or like I'm moving out tomorrow. LOL. I plan on unpacking some items 3 hours after they leave, since that is what the data on aerosolized SARS reveal. And because the virus has shown to stay on plastics for up to two weeks, I'll compromise and not unpack the rest of my things for a week. I'm that bad. I hate thinking this way. I hate this pandemic! I hate being afraid all the time. I also hate the hate because I'm afraid of going outside because they attack Asians, or at least the news says there is widespread Asian hate, and I'm disabled physically, so I can't really fight back. I can try, but I'm really crippled enough as it is.

So I'm isolated, too.

I hate my life.

I don't know how to deal with another mental illness. I've never been diagnosed with OCD before, and I never had to deal with all these things until this stupid pandemic hit, and now, for nearly 2 years, I've been isolated in my apartment living life like this.
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