I'm new to this board and this is my first post. I have been doing a lot of reading and research, I know that journaling can help but also looking for any advised/encouragement.

I have been very happily married two years together for 7. Two months ago my wife started to feel distant. I asked her about it a month ago and she said she was not happy and she couldn't do it anymore. I never saw signs of unhappiness or problems with our marriage. I have gone through old pictures and text messages and I can't figure out what changed. When I inquired furth she brought up something that happened 4 years ago.

I am previously divorced, from a 10 year relationship with three kids and my ex-wife left me. I was pretty hung up and heartbroken about it and I can admit I started dating my now wife too soon. 3 years into our relationship I found myself talking with a coworker (girl) about the pain I still had and we got close. Things started to get more and more serious and she wanted to be with me. We never saw each other outside of work. I felt guilty and suddenly broke up with my girlfriend, thinking that if I had feeling for someone else I needed to end things. I came clean and my gf had no idea about the other girl so it took her by completely surprised. I never cheated or dated the other women but I know it was emotional cheating. I thought I was doing the right thing but immediately regreted my decision and begged for forgiveness. We got back together and moved forward. There were two times I was talking to the other girl again because I worked with her. Not serious like before, one time more cordial and the other expressing my feelings and explaining what had happened. My girlfriend saw one of the emails, we argued about it but we're able to get past it. I never talked to her outside if strict work again and she changed position so last time we interacted was 3+ years ago. I proposed, married and now 4 years later I thought I was living the happily ever after but she leaves me.

She said she wanted space, I tried to give it to her but it was killing me. I obsessed over her leaving and couldn't go more than three or four days without reaching out. I made her mad with my attempts to connect. Last Saturday I had to have a talk. She came over we discussed more and she said she cannot keep going in this marriage feeling like she does. When asked if she wanted to continue with space or if she was done she said "right now I feel like we're done." She grabbed things (including our marriage certificate) and left. I still couldn't let it go so I reached out two more times, once asking if it was about having a baby. She is approaching 40 and I had a vasectomy and told her when we first started dating that I didn't want any more kids. She said it wasn't about that. She won't open up at all. When we talk she just tells me it is about what happened 4 years ago. She hasn't said a word about it in 4 years, 6 months after our breakup. When asked if we could go to counseling she said I missed my chance since I declined 4 years ago.

I have been going through hell. I was the happiest I have been my whole life. I have been trying to pick apart her and our relationship and it is a struggle to find the bad. She has seen me so weak lately, sobbing and begging. I'm sure she doesn't want to come back to that. I know I screwed up by persueing her when she needed space but I was in the darkest most pain I have ever felt. I'm actually doing a bit better now with the reading of other posts here and a other outside research. I was a good husband that screwed up once and am now paying for it. She even told me, " you are a good husband, I don't know why I can't be happy". She swears there is no one else.

Do you think she may return if I truly give her space or are we done?

Thanks for reading!

Workinonit32