Quote:
Originally Posted by Tjpg
Hey Jeff
Thank you. Yes, my mom is great and they do have daycare twice a week and have occupational therapists go in and work with them there too which is amazing! My place of work and co workers/boss have been a great emotional support system for me as well. Community has been amazing and I never expected that!
Okay well to speak my truth, two weeks after my husband and I separated, I wanted to experience what it was like being with someone else because my husband and I were each others firsts. Long story short, I went on a dating app and matched with a guy, later that night we met up.
I had never done anything like that in my entire life. It was so liberating and such a rush to meet a stranger but in my control (I drove so that if it was unsafe I could leave). He was nice at first, a bit younger but sweet and kind and I told him the truth about my situation and he helped me through the beginning. I had never been through a breakup before and he really helped me with that. And yes he definitely proved me right that my husband and I just didnt match well physically! But he started not letting me have anytime to myself in even the slightest, and made me feel guilty when I wanted him to leave my house. We ended up dating /arguing/liking each other less and less for 9 months. He was using me for somewhere to live. I kicked him out at the end of July this year and you know, I ended up right back where I was, except not only did I feel like I lost a life long friend(husband) I lost this once comforting person too.
Anyhow, I guess its a bit different for me too because I didnt see anyone as a rebound. I hadnt been in love for years.
As for the dating apps for just meeting up for dates, again this is just my opinion. I trust people way to easy and it gets me into situations that I shouldnt be in. That when the rose tint wears off, the vision becomes horrifying. But I find the lesson at least!
I'm really glad to hear that your anxiety attacks are becoming less aggressive. I suspect that you are just becoming more in tune to your triggers and what it feels like when one starts coming on too, which is great if so. Or maybe you're just getting used to them. Either way, its all progress! I find that determining levels helped me a bit with that. Is it a mild one with just the pulse in my stomach? Or is it a bad one where all my skin feels like its on fire? Then it makes you compare: "Well this one wasnt as bad as the one last time" etc ... And as you are finding writing therapeutic, you could write your progress and strategies/foods you find help/hinder.
I used to be very much into running. I just dont find joy in it anymore. I didnt get the vehicle when we separated. I have been sharing my moms car and walking with the twins everywhere so I get lots of exercise(love my babies for keeping me in shape)! I was lucky enough to get a car last week right before the snow came and I am so thankful. My son has been laying on the sidewalks and in the street when I try to cross the cross walk when walking them home from daycare because of his autism. I was having severe anxiety attacks at work while thinking about having to walk them home by myself.bMy son is a giant boy for 3 and he will dead weight on me so that I cant lift him, all while trying to hold my daughters hand. Having a car now has helped lessen my anxiety greatly as I cant push a double stroller in the snow, and snowsuits are un-grippable.
As for therapy, I have a therapist who monitors me with medication. It helps.
Yes definitely get your Christmas ducks in a row. Get your support system around you. I would even suggest planning on going for a walk on Christmas Day if you're enjoying the walking. I found that its not that it was even a change, it was that he didnt hide his excitement for the holiday season in front of me. He wasnt having Christmas with me for the first time in years and wasnt waking up Christmas morning with his children, and he was full of glee.
I was not expecting that at allllll. Do something for you on Christmas to make it extra special even.
Tessa
|
Hi Tessa,
So you have a base foundation with family and at work. That sounds like a start! It makes me emotional to see people when they find out about my situation and they want to jump in and help out in anyway. Agreed, sounds like the necessities are being covered and its been great.
Wow, that new relationship doesn’t sound like it was a great experience. Sounds like you regret it and would not recommend doing.
When my wife separated and moved out of the house, she went to go live at her mom’s house. (still there) She has removed all of her old friends, best girl friend and me from her life. She has a new group of friends now (from working together at a previous job) and I think all of them are divorced. (I call it the divorce club) As luck would have it, 6 weeks into the separation, she was already spending the night at one of the guy’s house after a wedding they attended, then another weekend she spent the night. I was in shock, all these years and this is how quickly we move? She got upset and said they are just platonic friends and she hasn’t colored with anyone during this separation. She has been “completely faithful in this relationship” up until now. I found it odd that she used the word “faithful” and “relationship” to me during our separation, moving to divorce. But hey… Just upsetting how quickly she is moving I guess. But then again, she filed so she may have been prepared for that sort of thing.
Yeah, time and acceptance I guess is helping with the anxiety. Still get little blips here and there… But the more I find that I am accepting this and letting go, I think the easier it is becoming? Monitoring my blood pressure as well… and it got a little elevated which is not ideal. So that is finally coming down to normal levels. Amazing how many things get affected going through something like this… That is a good idea with writing in my journal and adding strategies and foods. I find myself looking back at the beginning of my process and shaking my head. Was I fool for trying/doing everything I could to try and save my marriage? Did I ever really have a shot?
I year you about running… you have to be into it and if you are not, then nope! Hehe That is excellent, you have a car. Another mode of independence for you and the kids. You definitely have your hands full with the kids. No doubt about that. But you sound like an incredible mom, keep it up for them and for you. Dealing with twins alone can be challenging when you are outnumbered.
My wife and I used to laugh about having kids… with our son, it was still 1 v 2… then our oldest daughter arrived, we were still able to play “man to man” in the 2 v 2 setup. Then our youngest daughter arrived and we have to switch to a “zone defense” being outnumbered 3 v 2. Lol You have your hands full.
Yeah, Christmas is not going to be fun. You have a family to wake up together that day to spend time around the tree opening gifts and spending quality time together. And that will not happen this year. My son is coming from college and he told me he is spending Christmas Eve with me that night and the morning so I am not alone. Love that kid. The girls will be at their mom’s house celebrating Christmas. Just sad, something that was beautiful once will on longer be ever again.
So he and I will have to figure something out to do Christmas morning. Maybe even go hiking together and find new adventures.
I don’t understand your exs response about being full of glee… Its Christmas… time to be spent with family, your significant other your children. Wow… I cant even relate to that… I am going to be so upset those two days, I don’t know what to do with myself. If my son wasn’t willing to hang out and babysit me, I don’t know what I would do. Christmas will have turned into a terrible day.
I have to figure something out for Christmas… do something to make it special.
Jeff