Dear New T (Temp T??)

How do I know if I am making the right decision. I guess that's the thing, isn't it, we don't know. We can never truly know. I think I just have to take the leap and go for it, and make the most of what I then have. At least I will have tried it. And I DO think it is the right decision, I am just letting my doubting mind creep in for some reason.

I wanted to email you this week, about something that we talked about, but I don't know what it was anymore. I got caught up in my interaction with Old T and that became the focus for the next day or two, so I completely forgot what was on my mind. I need to be careful that I don't let that overshadow what I am trying to do here, which is to move forwards. To a better place. A more open place. A more.... healed place? I think? Is that what I am doing here? I'm not sure. I wanted to use this time with you to try and figure out what life looks like now, and that DOES include not having Ex T as my T, and it MAY include having Ex T as.... something else. So I guess it is all part of the journey in a way.

I would like to feel 'in the room' with you. I wonder how we can do that? Maybe I will bring my game on Tuesday. Maybe. I don't know. It's like I want to get to know you a bit better, but I also don't want to go through this again. Hmmmmmmm........ maybe I don't have to. Maybe we need to talk about your plan if anything happens to you....

I just think that the other lady I was seeing was better for the trauma. Why? Because she seemed to bring out the right parts of me. And she seemed to be able to hold her own against them. Could she also BE there for them though, that's the biggest question. I reckon I could get angry around her. I reckon I could rant and stamp and feel that anger that needs to be felt. She brings that out in me... because I don't like her? Maybe... or maybe because she is the right person.

She was pushy enough to be able to get to the root of it, but I am not sure I can do that at a distance. I don't know. I simply don't know. Maybe like where I am at with this other decision, maybe you just have to trust your gut. Leave the head at the door....