At my appointment this week I said that I realized my employer did not really need me. They are fine when I am out. She replied that realistically were all can be replaced in our jobs and people can move on and be okay. She is as well. If something wer4 to happen to her, all her clients would be okay, find a new therapist and move on . She has no intentions of going anywhere though. I flippantly told her I know the experince. She apologized for bring it up.

We moved on and I knew what her intentions were. I did want to say that her leaving would cause more issues than mine but refrained.

I was fine until the day after my appointment.. I realized that while she cares about her clients if something happened to me she would move on and be okay. Just as we are not that important to our employer ultimately I we are not that important to them. It also caused me to face the old wounds and fears of losing long term therapist. The fears of abandonment and losing people I love or care about. So I put my wall up for protection whcih I havr not needed to do in over 2 years.

I am 99% sure none of this was what she meant. I know that she meant that when it comes to our jobs, somebody else can do our job. They will not be us, do things our way, and it may be difficult/painful but they will be okay.