hi Troy : )

i havent read a lot of this forum, i'm very glad to see you've found a place you can express yourself here and recieve the support from others, we all deserve support as we grow and work thru some of our issues from the past... your last statement in the post above caught my eye, i'm always interested in sources of energy... its a very good statement:

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Sometimes I'm tempted to return to the former visible anger just to make a statement. Instead, I let the anger race around in my system. If adrenalin and anger hormones could fuel a car, I could go to the moon and back on what I've wasted.

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i know in my case, ive tried very hard to re-channel the anger and sadness ive felt into something more positive, which is what i feel you're doing here by sharing with us the real feelings you have, have had.. you matter also and i wish you hope and peace on your path always...