I'm doing good today. I slept ok. I'm so cold though to the point my fingers are numb and I'm having trouble typing. I'm fully dressed including a hoodie boots and a hat. My mom says I may be anemic from not eating enough. But I do eat though just little stuff throughout the day. I had a tamale at 4:30 this morning. Besides being cold I feel ok. I am a bit behind schedule on my valium and I just took one now so I hope it kicks in. I went to Walgreens to get some ghirardelli christmas candy. Luckily there were no creeps standing outside this time or I wouldnt have gone in. There was some guy though at Dunkin Donuts asking for cash the other day. Before I moved I only encountered one other person asking my mom for money and I was like 9.

But yeah today I'm cold and I think my anxiety is under control. Or getting under control at least.

I hope my therapist leaves the office or decides we arent a good match. Because I'm tired of going from therapist to therapist but if she wants to fire me on her own then thats fine. But I wont fire her. Its not just the age thing although thats a huge part of things but theres other little things that bug me about her that I cant seem to get past.

Basically she thinks shes funny but shes not. Except on wednesday when she had her covid meltdown. But she told me major life changing gender reassignment surgery "freaks her out" its just the small stuff like that that sometimes gets to me. Especially since being in therapy is a must to get this type of surgery done. I'd like to feel supported by her and not have her grossed out by me once I get it done because I would have a penis and she wouldnt be able to control her emotions about it.

But I feel overall more stable now then I have these last 2 years so I don't feel as needy as I did before with therapists.