I’ve been horrifically depressed since waking. Intrusive SH and SI complete with images. I have laid on the couch all day, with the exception of one hour of frenzied cleaning of 1/4 of the kitchen. From the counter to the stove and the island is spotless. I sat down with the intention of going back to finish the table, microwave stand, and floor but never made it.

I watched a little TV, community, but quit after the season one finale because the main character did something really annoying and creepy. I will go back because I like the show but not today.

RS has been gone since 8am on a side job with his friend. We were going to possibly go to a “family reunion” type dinner on his side, but I assume we’re not now since I haven’t heard from him. That would be fabulous, I wasn’t sure if I could manage it.

I feel extremely isolated and I just want to pour my heart out to someone but I am also convinced no one would want to hear about it because I’m such an awful person. And I’ve brought it on myself bc I’m convinced there’s too much wrong with me that no one could ever understand and would just think I’m crazy and a loser for letting it get to me.

I haven’t felt this intense hatred of myself in a long time, I’ve m been able to keep the thoughts separate from my true self and realize it’s just depression but I’m becoming more and more convinced it’s me because I have nothing to be upset about anymore.