Jeff,

Just keep remembering, she will be in your life until the kids are grown and even after. I caught my first wife on tinder and texting with guys. Not sure if sh ever physically cheated but I was bitter for a while. I still have to see her every play, rehearsal, concert, she never goes to partner/teacher.
My mom tells a story of my dad taking just the couch cushions, I grew up not able to say my step mom's name to my mom, she was "witch" or the other women". You can't control how she behaves but you can control how you react and what the kids see if you.

Currently in the process of putting up a tree and also contemplating the stocking thing, crazy you say that. My wife also bought a new tree after last Xmas so I had to figure out if I put the new one up or the old one. I'm going with the old as I don't want to unbox the new one and cause more problems.

It's really good to hear you have the support structure you do. I have very similar. I feel bad as they have heard this before but true friends don't care and want to help.

Tom