You say you “feel the blame.”

One thing my husband had to figure out (he was the one with abandonment issues) was that he had to stop looking to apply “blame” to his experience of his emotions. It wasn’t about “fault.” Sometimes people just need to express feelings, or they need to clarify communication, or they need to just listen or be heard. When he stopped defaulting to “I feel bad so it must be someone’s fault” or “I feel bad so I must be bad,” it relieved MUCH of the “ruptures” in his life. He realized simple direct communication didn’t have to be baggaged with blame; he realized when he stopped the fault-finding and just explained what was going on or inquired about something that needed clarification, it took SO much stress off of him and off of his relationships.

Takes time to get there, but it really was that approach in changing his thinking and communication style that made major differences in his emotional health.