That is tough I'm sorry you're having those feelings. From my experience therapists don't really like it when you say you feel you have X diagnosis you can choose to do whatever you prefer of course but if it were me I'd go in and list my symptoms. You could look up PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder and see if either of those symptoms are what you're dealing with. And for what it's worth I think you're a human deserving of respect and kindness, even towards yourself
I hope you are able to feel a sense of peace. Loving ourselves isn't always easy so you're not alone.