Like many with childhood trauma one of my things is worrying about the other person, trying to take care of them or being understanding of the reasons why they might so something and thus rationalizing away difficult feelings. e.g. I understand why my parents had their own trauma and this contributed to why they did and didn't do what things that caused my trauma. This makes if difficult then to feel any anger towards them which is something I feel I need to feel at some point and work through. I also do this with my t. On high alert to what might be going on for her and rationalizing away things which then causes me to dilute my own feelings. e.g she recently had something big going on in her life and forgot to tell me something pretty big and important which was very hurtful as she would have known that I would be hurt by it so to 'forget; she hadn't told me showed some complacency. I get she is human so instead of feeling that hurt I leant into the 'she is human, she has a lot going on,'I'm being silly, we all make mistakes yaydadada

My question is how do you stop rationalizing things people doing especially with my T in order to face the feelings it brings up. Like I 'know' something was not okay but can't 'feel' that it was not okay as my rational brain won't allow it.