I often do this partially because when I mess up I hope people will be understanding and forgiving. I have necer abused people but still. In therapy we figure out the cause of my actions (trama mostly) and have learned to forgive myself. That being said, I can feel some empathy for a person while still be very angry and hurt it is important to all the hurt and honor it. It does not have to be one or the other, it is okay and normal to have conflicting feelings.