I talked to my therapist yesterday and she said something that changed my whole perspective on the problems I’m having with my mother. Basically she saiid I have to decide between cutting my mother off and not doing anything for her or I have to accept that she will never change and I will always have to take care of her regarding basic adult tasks and work on being at peace with whichever I choose.

It’s so true. As much as I’d like to let her sink or swim without my help, fact is she would actively sink, and as much as I hate that and as much as it reminds me of how I had no help from her in my entire life, I just can’t let that happen. So I have decided I will help her, but I will not be her emotional support. She’ll have to get that somewhere else.

I feel so much better today. Like a weight is gone. I’m hoping it’s not temporary. I know I will be able to go to the grocery store today without losing it. I seriously can’t wait to go back to work tomorrow, I’m so bored.

My physical dr appt went well. He said my digestive issues are likely a rare(r) side effect of Seroquel XR. Also since I went low(ish) carb and started eating less fruit and more dairy, I’m consuming less fiber and possibly becoming more intolerant to dairy.

I’ve downloaded a different food tracker app, one with no calorie/carb/anything counting. The numbers are just too triggering. I just want to be able to make notes and hopefully recognize patterns that may relate to my digestive issues and lead me to eating healthier without obsessing over calories. Because even when I’m tracking calories I eat like crap, I just eat less crappy food.

Sending support and love to everyone who needs it! Sorry I’ve been so wrapped up in myself.