I am so sorry to hear this... As another 20+ year partner, it really bugs me to hear about these types of situations.

All I can say is it is time for you to focus on you. Mentally and physically. For me, exercising (walking) is big to get my mind off stuff, get more energy/endorphins going to combat any of the low times you will experience.

Start making yourself busy. Workmates, friends, go hang out and have them babysit you. You need to keep busy as much as you can. There will be down and quiet times, that is to be expected.

While not giving any false hope, you dont know what the future holds and anything can happen. Work on bettering yourself and look for any opportunities that present themselves.

Find a therapist that can help you navigate your feelings/well-being through this process. That is a huge help too!

For me, I starting eating better and walking and I am down 56lbs in weight. I work out as well to handle my physical side. On the mental side, I have starting reading relationship books, seeing my therapist and working through what I did wrong in my relationship and now I am identifying what she did wrong in the relationship. I went and bought new clothes to match my weight loss (new look) and feel better. Self image work...

I am about 13 weeks into this mess... I am still talking to my ex- (had 3 kids) and we just spent 5 hours on the phone yesterday talking about our relationship. Odd??? She is now seeing a therapist for herself and admitted that she is screwed up at the moment. She is now admitting fault for herself in the relationship, specifically what she did in the relationship. She told me she is starting to miss our relationship, that she took it for granted and that she is second guessing herself on filing for the D-word. She is wondering if this will be the biggest mistake in her life. (I just listened, she needs to come to this conclusion on her own)

So I am not telling you this to give you false hope. But anything can happen. You need to get yourself in order/shape. Do not fall all over yourself when you see him or talk to him. You need to remain flat, calm and boring when communicating verbally or through texts/emails. He needs to get the impression that you are NOT impacted by this event. Perhaps even distance yourself to some degree while you WORK on yourself.

With any luck, 2 things will happen... a) you work on yourself, picking yourself up and moving forward. No one wants to see a miserable person post breakup, (the other spouse will not find it attractive) If this does not work out, you have not lost any time in improving yourself and carrying on with life. B) if he starts to see those changes in you, that you are not impacted by what he did... he may or start to second guess himself and if he made the right decision. He wants a divorce, but why isnt that affecting you more? Maybe he under-estimated how strong of an individual you are and will maybe start to find that intriguing or attractive again. After all, you just took the largest hit someone in a relationship can take... and look how you are carrying yourself. With strength, composure, dignity and still being true to who you are as a person. Anyone and everyone WILL respect that...

Again, not wanting to give false hope. I just wanted to share my story and give you some pointers on what I have learned and what I am doing. Whichever way this goes, you will be better off as an individual moving forward which is primary. And if anything happens back with him, well... isnt that just the cherry on top?

Start to get moving and get going. There is no time like the present. Report back in your thread. You are not alone. There are some very cool people here that support you and can help out with this and/or that...

Jeff