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Originally Posted by workinonit32
I had two counseling sessions yesterday, they seemed to help for the short term but it also got me thinking I'm other areas which maybe things I need to deal with. I was also left with a greater sense of hope that she may change her mind. I don't want this, the sooner I can accept the sooner I can move on. I was living the happily ever after marriage until two months ago but what I didn't know is she was not. In the past 4 years after our weekend breakup I can't remember her ever saying she was unhappy. I can't stop trying to figure it out and I know I will never know for sure. I'm the past month all I have reveived are one sentence explanations. "I'm just not happy" " you are a good husband I don't know why I can't be happy" "I'm still hung up on what happened in the past" " I don't know how to explain it". I told her while she was giving me space that I'll even take a text if she knows it is over I just need to know if that time comes. Well that is how she ended 7 years, she didn't want to I talk because she was going to bed so her text was "it's over, I'm sorry". I don't know who this cold person is but it isn't my wife. Now I'm starting to think about some diet pills she was taking that can have side effects of she suddenly stops. That's about as logical explanation I can make for a dlaudden mood change two months ago. I know I'm grasping but i can't move on without knowing more. How can I prevent it in the future with any new relationship if I don't know? Will I always be looking over my shoulder wondering will she leave me anyday? Hopefully therapy will help me work through these issues and time.
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You are looking for some type of closure I think. And you may never get it. Clearly, communication between you two could have been improved? Where that is her coming to you to talk to you about what she is feeling. Or perhaps on you and the ability to listen to what she is saying. I don’t know, I am just thinking out loud. But it sounds like a communication breakdown in that regard. (I speak from experience with me, hehe)
Do you guys have joint cell phone account? Are there any numbers/texts/calls that continue to pop up as you go back into time?
As far as a future relationship goes, you need to make sure you explore this with your therapist. This situation is between you and your wife. This is her decision to move away from the marriage. Not the gender’s decision to move away from the marriage. Don’t make the mistake of painting the gender with a single paint brush stroke, because that will become your problem then. You are referring to trust and whether or not you will have it in any future relationships. Make sure you take the time to properly heal after this to make sure you do not apply any of these concerns on the next individual you have a relationship with in the future. If you can’t trust the next individual for fear of this happening again, you are not ready to open yourself back up to another individual in a relationship.
My $.02 anyway.