Unless you force employers at tax-point to take on what essentially amounts to liability in hiring people with mental illness, it will never happen.

For instance, I moved to Austin to take a job, and that job didn't work out because the boss was a pompous "christian" jackass who couldn't see his employees' actions as inflammatory to the new hire, so I told him to stuff his job and quit. Then, I took another job, and got fired Tuesday because I japped out and was no longer comfortable working there with those machines because I cannot seem to get rid of a maddening penchant for chaos in my life. Too many variables. My car is also dying and when that goes, I'll be even further stuck. I'm about to lose this loan application to get out from under the credit card at a lower interest rate because I cannot maintain employment, and fast food will not hire me. Moreover, thanks to the idiot "doctors" of prison, my back is permanently damaged so standing for long periods is difficult.

So now, I have to find another job, and I cannot guarantee that I won't snap out again because I am a rage-filled Borderline type with obsessive compulsive personality and demons in my head that are slowly killing me.

I have lost the will to even try because I've repeated the same tired progression so many times that I'm bored with it. So other options are naturally considered, and chief among them is suicide because let's face it: no one will hire a liability if they do not have to, and I have certain minimum needs just to survive. There are no other options aside from crime, and I'm not interested in selling dope or worse.

I would be happy as a pig in **** to find a job where I do nothing but sit at a computer and enter data all day in a cubicle by myself. I do not like other people, and I have little desire to be friendly or try to moderate what I know to be the truth about any given matter just to appease the woke mob or spare someone's feelings, so I just avoid the inane watercooler conversations.

Returning to prison looks more and more attractive so I no longer have to deal with chaos that bubbles up. I put myself in a position there is no return from, and there's no meaningful way out of it. Eventually, the money will run out, and my newborn daughter is not enough to keep me calm and collected. Nothing is. A pointless existence is a form of Hell of its own. It's like groundhog's day with more variance. I have no doctors, no insurance, no ability to hold a steady job, and no desire to seek out head doctors whom I do not trust to begin with.

I cannot shake the sense of humiliation looking at my life, and as a result, I've come to hate my life actively but recognize self-sabotage when I see it. I'm merely a passenger in this at this point, and I think it's time to exit this train. Again, no one will hire what amounts to a liability, or someone whom they know is only going to last a short time. What am I supposed to do? Go into the interview and just be like, yeah, I've got a felony from 25 years ago, I'm mentally unstable, I hate customers, and I can't guarantee positivity from day to day? Pff. Ridiculous. Trying to suppress it just makes it come out in chaotic fashion, usually at the worst possible moment.

What is more, the more time that passes, the less opportunity for anything there is--it is a path of diminishing returns in all senses and from which there is no return. My resume has more gaps than Swiss cheese, and putting pearls on a pig does not change the nature of the pig.