Quote:
Originally Posted by InkyTinks
45 or 50!!!!  How do you deal with that! 
Having one other is bad enough and not feeling you can be yourself in front of people!!!
I have a 'young mind' I don't see it as a 'seperate me' necessarily but it's the part that loves video games. The 'adult' part rationalises that this is acceptable if used for physio purposes (such as yoga on wii fit), or puzzles for the mind. (to prevent dementia while we are stuck in isolation) and it does also gives us Tinnitus relief as usually so focused on the game it doesn't bother us during gameplay.
I feel a split between two but I think thats only because when I was a teenager I went deaf due to medical problems..I'd also spent a lifetime being made fun of particularly because I couldn't get out my name without stammering.
So I changed my name legally as soon as I could to one I could say more easily..also as a then deaf teenager I was plunged into a very different world..sent to a specialist college to learn lip-reading,work skills and sign language (to be able to access interpreters)...so there was a 'hearing me' (under birth name) and a 'deaf me'. (with a different name)
My parents never learned to sign..given my difficulties getting me speaking in the first place I think they were afraid I'd never speak again if they accepted me signing to them instead, but allowed me to learn it and encouraged me to see myself as my friends interpreters (for those born deaf who struggled more) in the outside world.
I went on to train to be a teacher for the deaf at university using sign interpreters to follow lectures.
Along the way though I discovered I had autism and part of my 'deafness' was actually 'Auditory processing Disorder' related to that..this caused a lot of confusion and some in the deaf community to reject me..cos I wasn't 'pure deaf' even though I could sign as well as them.
Moving back into the 'hearing world' after uni where everyone else was hearing I lost my 'deaf identity' and discovered my 'autistic identity'
I then saw myself for years as a hearing person with autism and APD (Auditory Processing Disorder), although as I've aged I have lost more high frequency in my right ear which is the one giving me the constant Tinnitus if I don't put the hearing aid in with the T program on.
I did wonder if I had multiple personalities for a while I had read about it but was unsure as I know I tend to take things very literally and cos I felt like I'd 'become a different person' switching between hearing to deaf to autistic (or accepting each) it did confuse me for quite a while!
Accepting I could have all those things together and still be one person has taken a while to work through! |
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InkyTinks - I'm so sorry you struggled with all of that!
I hope you are able to get your auditory symptoms managed well. I'm sorry you struggled with so much!
You sound like you understand multiple personalities.
Many people dissociate within a normal range of dissociation (like missing the exit on the freeway, or when your mind wanders when someone is having a conversation with you). And many people have different parts of self (called "ego states"), whereby one part of self may handle work, another part of self may handle household tasks, another part of self my handle social situations, another part of self may handle significant others, and another part of self may handle being a parent. I've heard the term "multiplicity" used, but it is different from DID. DID = dissociative identity disorder, which used to be called MPD = multiple personality disorder. The two or more distinct personalities have amnesiac barriers to the main person (or the host person or the original person or whatever it is they are calling these days to denote the person who was born first). Over time, those amnesiac barriers are weakened, especially as different parts of self (whether they be dissociated alternate personalities - or "alters," or whether they be "ego states") become more and more familiar with the host person and vice versa. Some awareness occurs when the host person realizes that losing time isn't "normal," and such blackouts are caused by dissociation.
There are other forms of dissociation that may not quite meet the diagnosis of DID, such as depersonalization, derealization, dissociative fugue, and the former "not otherwise specified" (NOS), which is now called something different. Some people argue that there are degrees of DID, and just like the deaf rejecting others who are not the same kind of deaf, there are those in the DID community who differentiate themselves between "true DID" and "NOS" or some other form of DID (such as polyfragmented DID, whereby some people assert that polyfragmented is not "true DID").
My T, however, doesn't differentiate that because the treatment is similar, and the goals for treatment are similar - to be co-conscious. Some people may want to integrate, fuse, or whatever they are calling it these days, but it's not a requirement for recovery and healing. Processing difficult emotions, challenging trauma memories, and problem behaviors requires that the personalities work together through internal family systems (IFS) coping, which is simply just having the personalities communicate with one another.
And even for those who don't have DID, but do dissociate in some other way, such as those with PTSD and dissociation, IFS can still be used for things like the "inner child" or other ego states that affect a survivor of trauma.
We still use the coping skills while also using IFS, such as when we use grounding techniques or CBT to help us cope.
Our T helps us reframe the things we struggle with as a whole, since one personality will affect the entire system of personalities, including the host person. In a similar vein, those with dissociation will struggle when one aspect or part of self is in disagreement with another part of self (such as being indecisive or ambivalent or having black-and-white thinking), or when one aspect of self will trigger another aspect of self, thereby causing emotional storms to surface. Being able to go within and speak internally with the different parts help me to remain co-conscious and proactive (as opposed to reactive). It's not always easy, but it works over time and practice.
I hope you feel better.